The Mortality Consideration

Greetings, once again!

Life has a funny way of throwing you curve balls, especially when you least expect it.

At the beginning of March, I fell extremely ill.  It started one day, where I thought I had the flu.  Some Googling of my symptoms struck me with extreme panic, as it normally would.  I plugged my symptoms in, and the first result that popped up was about sepsis.  Queue the anxiety.  I had almost every single symptom that it listed.  So, I left work early, and booked it to our local hospital.  I waited, and waited, and was finally seen, only to be told, "Oh, it seems as if you may have viral bronchitis, but we'll give you an antibiotic, just to be safe."

I mentioned to the doctor, whom I later found out was only a physician's assistant, that I was frequently ailed by boils, and that my symptoms aligned very closely with sepsis - to elaborate, high fever, chills, increased heart rate, etc..., which she laughed at, and told me that if I was even borderline septic, I wouldn't be walking.  So, I took her as qualified, left with my prescription, and went about my day.

Only, less than 14 hours later, the boil that I mentioned to this PA had grown to disgusting proportions, and my symptoms were even worse.  After careful inspection, Mrs. J insisted that we return to the hospital.  Once admitted to the emergency room, and after blood cultures were taken, my suspicions were confirmed - I was indeed borderline septic due to a severe skin infection, and had I waited much longer, I could've died.  This normally easy to treat boil had gotten so bad, that I ended up being admitted for emergency surgery, and a 5 day hospital stay.

You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this, but don't worry: I'm getting to it.

After spending some time speaking with several doctors, of many different flavors, I was told that I was in a very serious condition, and they continued to stress that, had I waited, I would likely have expired. This got me to thinking about my mortality, and what would've happened, had the worst case come to fruition.  My son would've been left fatherless, my wife without her husband and partner, and I would never have gotten to meet my son.  This thought terrified me even more than the thought of death.  In my youth, death was never something that scared me - it's a fact of life.  People live, and people die.  Leaving spirituality aside, for the sake of neutrality, I've never been concerned with what lies beyond.  I've made my choices in life, and I have no real regrets.  But, the thought of leaving my son behind, and never getting to watch him grow up... Now, that absolutely mortified me.

During the course of my hospital stay, and God only knows how many blood tests, draws, and cultures done, the medical staff were concerned with the state of my blood sugar.  Unfortunately, given the extreme state of infection in my body, they were unable to discern whether the elevated blood sugar was a result of infection, or as a result of diabetes.

At my second follow-up appointment, post surgery, it was discovered that I am, in fact, a type 2 diabetic.  After consulting with my primary physician, I was put on a very, very strict diet, in the hopes that it can be reversed.

This has put a lot of things into perspective for me, most notably how much we are willing to sacrifice for the sake of our children.  Had this happened two years ago, I'd likely have scoffed at the doctor, and continued eating how I wanted, and ignoring his advice, selfish in my ways.  But, when he sat there, berating me for how I eat, and prescribing this awful diet, I didn't care one iota.  Sure, it bummed me out that I can't pig out on sushi anymore, but the only thing going through my mind was, "I don't care, I'll do whatever it takes, so that I can be there to watch my son grow up."

Sure, it absolutely sucks, but at least I have answers as to why I've been ailed for so long with various issues, and I caught a potentially life threatening (if not treating properly) condition, before it was too late.  Now, so long as I follow my doctor's orders, I can live long enough to watch my son get married, have his own children, and hopefully I will die old, having lived a very fulfilling life.  I don't have anyone to blame but myself, and it's time to grow up and fix it all.

Mrs. J has been nothing but supportive, going as far to comply with the diet I'm on as much as she possibly can, and giving me the necessary moral support to stick with it.  I've been blessed with the most amazing woman in the world as my partner in life, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Through it all, I've certainly realized my mortality, more than I ever have before.  You grow up, generally healthy, living your life, never thinking about how quickly it can all come to an end, or how even the most simple of things can make it happen.  I've learned through this experience, that you can't ignore even the little things, because you never know what it might be.

I'm sure this post my seem a bit morbid, but I felt that it was something worth sharing, because it's not something that I think a lot of people put much thought into.

On a brighter note, only 5 weeks, 6 days, until our little man enters the world (providing he decides to come on time)!  His room is almost done, and it's almost time to reveal his name to the whole world.

Until next time!

-J

The 5:00 Redesign

Insomnia is a cruel, cruel creature.

...And, it tends to result in random acts of webdesign.


Added a new logo, nothing too fancy - basic fonts built into Windows, with a little recolor and stroke action.

Looking at the prior template I was using, it was a tad too psychedelic for my liking, so I found a more visually appealing, softer layout.

Had I the time, or the gumption, I'd tear down all the walls, and redesign a custom layout, but ain't nobody got time for that.

Hope you all enjoy.