Before we begin today's post, I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, or whatever religious holiday you may choose (or not) to celebrate. I'd also like to thank those of you who read our story, and join us on our adventure to parenthood.
I know I keep promising more frequent updates, and I haven't delivered on that promise. That said, I will no longer promise more frequent updates, just that I will update when I can.
Onto the topic of today:
The Admonition Paradox:
One thing that I've discovered (although, unsurprisingly), in our short journey thus far, is that no matter whether or not a person has children of their own, they'll never hesitate to give you unsolicited advice.
I like to consider myself a curious individual, and I gain tremendous joy out of obtaining any and all relevant information that I can on a subject. However, some of the advice that Mrs. J and I have received to date is absolutely dumbfounding.
For instance, we were out shopping for some of our first gender specific baby clothing at the local Wal-Mart, and during checkout, I was ... enlightened, by our cashier, to all of the dangers in vaccinating children. I also recognize that although I fully support the large majority of the medical professionals' opinions that we should vaccinate our children, that the topic is somewhat of a "hot-button" topic. I get it.
However, the cashier put it very matter-of-factly, that if we vaccinate our child, that they'll become autistic. Not that there's a chance. But that it will happen. So, having done a bit of research (hardly enough to be an expert on the matter), I asked her what experience or evidence she was drawing such a statement on. Her reply made my jaw drop, "Oh, well, I don't have kids of my own, but I watched this big long TV special on it a while back, and the evidence is pretty undeniable."
Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I've a very sharp tongue, and am usually pretty venomous with it when I feel that the situation calls for it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). But, being that we were in public, I bit my tongue, and just wished the woman a good night.
However, this set me to thinking.
Up until now, I've been very receiving when it comes to parenting advice. Because, let's face it, this is our first child, and I'm in no position to deny it. Although, there comes a point that even as an inexperienced parent-to-be, you learn to discern good advice from bad advice.
What bothers me the most about it all, is that if you question any advice, regardless of its merit, the person who gave it to you (whether asked or not to provide it), immediately goes on the defensive, and assumes you're being a jerk about it. Perhaps there's a social convention that I'm unaware of, or some mannerism I've displayed to these people that triggers this response, but I look at it as simply asking for a deeper explanation. Just because I question the way you tell me I "need to feed my child," or ask why, doesn't mean I'm discrediting your opinion. It means that I want some additional information to support your statement. I've never been one to blindly follow the words of others, and I pride myself on that. I like to gather as much information as I can, and draw my own, somewhat educated opinion on the subject. But, in spite of that, when it comes to parenting advice, it seems that asking "Why?" is akin to telling that person that their spouse is ugly.
This particular issue also has the potential to create a very serious awkwardness in your social relationships, as I've come to learn. As I've mentioned before, some of our friends are expecting parents, and I've also noticed that even though they have no prior parenting skills, they've no shortage of worldly advice to offer. For instance, an expectant mother that we are friends with made it no secret that she thought breastfeeding was disgusting, and a method of nutrition fit only for peasants. Knowing that Mrs. J intends to breastfeed postpartum, this made for an awkward conversation. This friend didn't go as far as to berate her decision, but wasn't quiet about her disgust for the activity, and that she "couldn't understand why anyone would do that to their child." When I presented her with some widely supported benefits of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, I wasn't met with intellectual discussion, but a simple, "Well, you can't believe everything you read."
The point is fair, but how else are we to learn, if we aren't to read? If everyone in the world raised their children simply off of wives' tales, and word of mouth, society would, I fear, be on the brink of extinction.
So, it seems that there's no shortage of advice to be had, but there is certainly a shortage of courtesy among some of the givers.
I suppose that what I'm getting at is simply:
If you wish to offer advice, please know that it's appreciated. However, don't get upset if someone asks "Why?" I know there's a great deal of people out there that will listen to every piece of advice they receive as if it's gospel, but there's just as many of us out there who seek to understand, rather than just go with it.
Thanks again for reading, and we'll be back soon (hopefully).
-J
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