All throughout most of my adult life, an adage my father has used frequently is, "As you get older, you'll see."
And, like any young adult, with my arrogance of youth, I blew that statement off. "I'll never change," I always thought to myself. Thinking I could do no wrong, and that I had life figured out, I never thought about what was to come.
Now, freshly 25, with a child on the way, I often find myself looking inward, analyzing the way I've done things in the past, and considering how to move forward. Thinking about what I want for my child's future, I look back on myself, and think to myself, "Boy, I sure hope my son doesn't end up being such a huge asswad."
One of the most recent epiphanies that I've had, was yesterday. I was enjoying my lunch break at work, watching the movie "Click," starring Adam Sandler, on the television. Having seen the movie before, I'd never put any thought into the plot, or the message it was trying to convey. But, as I watched the character portrayed by Adam Sandler skip some of the most important events of his life, I thought about if it were me in the same situation. There's a scene in the movie, where Mr. Sandler is sitting in his son's office, some years away from where he last remembered being, and just learning that his father has died. Natural reactions aside, he uses his magic remote to rewind to the last time he spoke with his father. You know what happens in that scene? His father simply wants to arrange to spend time with him, and Mr. Sandler blows him off entirely. The last thing his father does is tell him that he loves him, to which Mr. Sandler explodes, and leaves his father walking away, tears in his eyes.
So, I sat and watched for a few more minutes, blankly, thinking about the last conversation I had with my own Dad. All we did was chit chat for a few minutes, I bitched about work, or whatever was on my mind, and he just listened. There was no particular substance to the conversation, just idle chatting. Then I thought about it some more, and wondered to myself, "What if that was the last conversation that I ever had with that man?"
I would kick my own ass, every day, for the rest of my life.
Then, thinking forward, I wondered about the future for my son and I. I desire nothing more than for my son to enjoy my company, think of me as the strongest man in the world, and his number one confidant. But then, if I treat my own dad in some of the ways that I have in the past, how can I expect my son to do any different?
So, after several minutes of introspection, I made a very, very strong resolution - never will I let a day go by that I don't tell my son how much I love him, nor will I ever let another day pass where I don't tell my own dad.
After reaching this resolution, I then began to truly think of the things that I've done with my life. The choices I've made, the places I've been, the things I've said to people... Just a real, deep, hard look at my life as I've lived it. Has it been perfect? Absolutely not. Could I have done about nine million things better? Definitely.
Everyone says that your children are a direct reflection of you as a person, and if that's truly the case, I can honestly say, my son will be a douche. So, change has to start with me, and it has to start now, if I want my son to have the best possible life he can.
I always thought the saying, "Having children will change you," was just something people said, and never really thought about it. Now, I think I understand even more.
My Dad's done so much to get me this far in life, and yet, I'd never really thought about just how much he was helping me for the future, as well.
So, if you've stumbled upon this blog by accident, or maybe you're another expectant parent - either way, I encourage you to take some time, think about the things you've done, and the person you've become. Do you want your child to be like you as you are today? Maybe you do, maybe you're already awesome. If not, take the time now to make those absolutely vital course corrections. I know I am.
Lord knows, I don't want my kid to walk around saying some of the things that I say - I make sailors blush.
I've also heard people say that hindsight is 20/20, and you can't change the past. That's true. But, the lessons that the past hold, I believe, can help shape you future.
This is definitely a stray from the typical tone of my posts, but I think that it's a necessary one. When parents are expecting, all anyone wants to talk about is the easy stuff, the exciting stuff. Nobody ever wants to sit down and talk about the hard things you have to do.
And with that said, I leave you for the evening to ponder on this. Maybe you think I'm full of it, maybe not. Either way, some food for thought.
you know this is the kind of thing that reminds me that once in a while i'm really happy your my brother. okay i said it. btw, remind me i owe u and V 1 frames photo of your choice from my collection. and i'm still working on my nephues baby gift.... yeah dad said it should be a blue-ray player not a dvd player for your car so i'm still price hunting lol
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