The Shower Ascendancy

As promised - your weekend update.

As you know, Mrs. J's baby shower was this last weekend, and it was a resounding success.

Due to my limitless skepticism, I anticipated a colossal failure, but was pleasantly surprised at how many guests showed up.  Of 22 RSVP's, we had only 3 no-shows.  Although, knowing how poorly some people can adhere to commitments, I feel blessed that we had the turnout that we did.

Being our first child, we were flying somewhat blind into baby shower territory, not knowing how long it should last, what activities would be deemed enjoyable, or what the proper social protocols to follow during the event were.  Even in spite of that, though, it went very smoothly.

All of the ladies in attendance seemed to have a genuinely good time, and my male compatriots and I sequestered ourselves to the back yard, and had a good time cooking, chatting, and relaxing.

Most important to me, though, was that Mrs. J, the star of the show, thoroughly enjoyed herself.  For the first time in a long time, she had a day all about her.

The most notable event of the shower, though, was everyone's willingness to participate in the craft we planned out - everyone in attendance was asked to paint one of 26 wall hanging letters, in any pattern or design they like, with the colors we made available.  Though not one person, aside from my wife, our son's godmother, and I knew what the end result would be, they all ate it up, and had a great time doing it.  Even more surprising, was the amount of effort that every single one of them put into it (even the guys in attendance).

Following the paint-fest, and a barbecue lunch for everyone, were a couple of less exciting games, and then the gift giving began.  Both Mrs. J and I were absolutely stunned at both the amount of gifts our son received, but also that our registry was almost 100% completed following it.

And while there were out of town family members unable to attend the shower, we were able to include them through the attachment of a notebook computer and a webcam to our television, and the utilization of Skype's group call function, making it so that everyone could participate in the event.

I look forward to being able to post up all of the photos from the event, although it'll likely have to wait until after his birth - we wouldn't want to spoil the name for anyone... and I'm waiting until I make the final decision whether to migrate this blog to another host, with a less terrible image capability.


All in all, I am certainly pleased with how well the shower turned out, and even more importantly, Mrs. J is even more thrilled with how it turned out.

So, until next time, stay tuned for another update.

-J

Work in Progress

Quick update:

I do have an update planned for sometime this weekend.

However, I'm currently mulling over the idea of migrating the site to a custom domain hosted at WordPress, with an easier to read and more functional layout.  As it stands, the Blogspot/Blogger platform is great for basic use, but it's a huge pain in the ass to do anything of importance with.

At this point, Mrs. J and I are mulling over the cost involved, as we hope to keep this blog running postpartum, to keep our friends and family apprised to our child's growth, milestones, and awesomeness.

If anyone's interested in donating to the cause of migration, leave a comment, or e-mail me directly (for those who have my e-mail address), as donations toward the $170 (ish) cost would be gratefully accepted.

Stay tuned.

-J

The Party Excitation

Greetings, once again.

It's been about 2 months since our last update, although for once, this was largely beyond my control.  A short stint in the hospital, plus some home recovery time, sapped my will to do much of anything.  Toss that in with the catch-up game at work, and it makes for a pretty quiet blog.

Hopefully, that's all behind us though, and we're now only four days away from Mrs. J's baby shower.

Normally, being a man, you don't care much about baby showers (or at least, I haven't in the past).  And truthfully, leading up to ours, I wasn't all that interested.  However, over the past two weeks, as it's gotten closer, I find myself being more and more interested in it.  While I don't have any particular interest in participating in the party itself, I've been more active in the facilitation.  Chasing people down for RSVP's (or not), making certain that all of the materials have been procured, and that everything is on schedule.

Although, in this two or so weeks, I've discovered an interesting dynamic, that perhaps we are unique in experiencing - people don't like to commit to an event.  Mrs. J ordered and received her shower invitations by February 20th, mailing them out the following day (all local mail), requesting RSVP's from all invited parties by March 12th.  Pretty reasonable request, right?  Apparently not.  It wasn't until two days later that our first RSVP was received, and until yesterday that we finally received what I can only hope is the final headcount.  Mind you, this was after I personally chased down numerous people who were invited, and asked them if they were coming or not.  Most people were simply the victims of intent - planning to RSVP, but simply hadn't.  A few legitimately couldn't make it, but forgot to reply, and a few people simply blew it off.

Perhaps I'm simply being myself - the eternal pessimist, in the assumption that if I didn't chase it down, nobody was going to RSVP.  Perhaps those peoples' intentions were there, and that they had truthfully planned on it, who knows?

What I find curious, though, is whether people understand how much that yes or no can impact the course of an event.  An impact that Mrs. J is now victim to, as she had to have her cake order in by a specific date.  She had her order in on that date, but the number based off of the people who had RSVP'd on time.  So now, we find ourselves in a situation where there is likely to be an insufficient cake supply to feed all attending persons, simply because people couldn't be prompt in their response.  And that's just too damn bad.

Fortunately, being in charge of the actual food for the event, I anticipated this happening, and waited a bit longer than necessary to purchase all of it.

People are a curious thing, as they seldom consider the impact their actions have on the flow of things.  Something that people wouldn't normally see as a big deal (example: RSVP on time), can cause the biggest of hiccups.

On a more positive note, all is; at least thus far, well on the baby front.  We're now 31 weeks and counting - just weeks until our little man is here in our arms, and we couldn't be more thrilled.  While there was some prior concerns with placental placement, and other things the general public would find gross, those have since cleared up, and it looks like Mrs. J is well on her way to a natural delivery.

Our latest appointment went very well, with the doctor reassuring my concerns around baby snatching, and baby mix-ups.  Our local hospital takes these things very seriously - so seriously, that the maternity ward is locked down from anyone who does not have the current day's pass card, and utilization of electronic monitors attached to Mom, Dad, and Baby.

I'm hoping for an update next week, following the party, but we'll see.  You all know how it's gone in the past when I've tried placing a timeline on updates.

So, until next time, I hope all is well in your lives.

-J

Altered Perspectives, Backward and Forward

All throughout most of my adult life, an adage my father has used frequently is, "As you get older, you'll see."

And, like any young adult, with my arrogance of youth, I blew that statement off. "I'll never change," I always thought to myself.  Thinking I could do no wrong, and that I had life figured out, I never thought about what was to come.

Now, freshly 25, with a child on the way, I often find myself looking inward, analyzing the way I've done things in the past, and considering how to move forward.  Thinking about what I want for my child's future, I look back on myself, and think to myself, "Boy, I sure hope my son doesn't end up being such a huge asswad."

One of the most recent epiphanies that I've had, was yesterday.  I was enjoying my lunch break at work, watching the movie "Click," starring Adam Sandler, on the television.  Having seen the movie before, I'd never put any thought into the plot, or the message it was trying to convey.  But, as I watched the character portrayed by Adam Sandler skip some of the most important events of his life, I thought about if it were me in the same situation.  There's a scene in the movie, where Mr. Sandler is sitting in his son's office, some years away from where he last remembered being, and just learning that his father has died.  Natural reactions aside, he uses his magic remote to rewind to the last time he spoke with his father.  You know what happens in that scene?  His father simply wants to arrange to spend time with him, and Mr. Sandler blows him off entirely.  The last thing his father does is tell him that he loves him, to which Mr. Sandler explodes, and leaves his father walking away, tears in his eyes.

So, I sat and watched for a few more minutes, blankly, thinking about the last conversation I had with my own Dad.  All we did was chit chat for a few minutes, I bitched about work, or whatever was on my mind, and he just listened.  There was no particular substance to the conversation, just idle chatting.  Then I thought about it some more, and wondered to myself, "What if that was the last conversation that I ever had with that man?"

I would kick my own ass, every day, for the rest of my life.

Then, thinking forward, I wondered about the future for my son and I.  I desire nothing more than for my son to enjoy my company, think of me as the strongest man in the world, and his number one confidant. But then, if I treat my own dad in some of the ways that I have in the past, how can I expect my son to do any different?

So, after several minutes of introspection, I made a very, very strong resolution - never will I let a day go by that I don't tell my son how much I love him, nor will I ever let another day pass where I don't tell my own dad.

After reaching this resolution, I then began to truly think of the things that I've done with my life.  The choices I've made, the places I've been, the things I've said to people... Just a real, deep, hard look at my life as I've lived it.  Has it been perfect? Absolutely not.  Could I have done about nine million things better? Definitely.

Everyone says that your children are a direct reflection of you as a person, and if that's truly the case, I can honestly say, my son will be a douche.  So, change has to start with me, and it has to start now, if I want my son to have the best possible life he can.

I always thought the saying, "Having children will change you," was just something people said, and never really thought about it.  Now, I think I understand even more.

My Dad's done so much to get me this far in life, and yet, I'd never really thought about just how much he was helping me for the future, as well.

So, if you've stumbled upon this blog by accident, or maybe you're another expectant parent - either way, I encourage you to take some time, think about the things you've done, and the person you've become.  Do you want your child to be like you as you are today?  Maybe you do, maybe you're already awesome.  If not, take the time now to make those absolutely vital course corrections.  I know I am.

Lord knows, I don't want my kid to walk around saying some of the things that I say - I make sailors blush.


I've also heard people say that hindsight is 20/20, and you can't change the past.  That's true.  But, the lessons that the past hold, I believe, can help shape you future.


This is definitely a stray from the typical tone of my posts, but I think that it's a necessary one.  When parents are expecting, all anyone wants to talk about is the easy stuff, the exciting stuff.  Nobody ever wants to sit down and talk about the hard things you have to do.


And with that said, I leave you for the evening to ponder on this.  Maybe you think I'm full of it, maybe not.  Either way, some food for thought.

The Exaltation Algorithm

Greetings once again, and Happy New Year!

I know it's been a few weeks, but we've unfortunately hit the point where we wait for our little man to finish cooking, so there isn't a ton of news to report.

However, though there isn't much, it has been an exciting few weeks on our path to parenthood.

Last week, I finally got to feel our boy move for the first time.  Mrs. J has been able to feel him for weeks, and we've just been waiting until his movements were strong enough to be felt from the outside.

And it was one of the most exciting things I've ever experienced in my life.  The strength of an unborn child is nothing short of amazing.  Though only 23 weeks in, the strength in his movements is astounding.

We had another visit to the doctor week before last, and it was fairly uneventful.  The ultrasound tech was back to her typical rude demeanor (I wondered how long her kindness would truly last), and the nurse was barely there - vacant and short the entire time.  We did receive another ultrasound, where it was again confirmed that our little boy is, in fact, a boy.

During this visit, we discovered that the original phone call Mrs. J received, advising her that her one hour gestational diabetes test came back clear, was incorrect, and as such she had to submit to a three hour test.  Needless to say, we were not at all happy that her results had been "mixed up" with another patient.  It has certainly led me to question how many other mistakes could have been made, and not just involving us - but other patients.

So, our worry was reignited.  Although gestational diabetes is not insurmountable, it was a worry nonetheless.  Fortunately, the new lab that Mrs. J went to was expedient in her results, which came back negative for gestational diabetes.  So, she remains in the "normal pregnancy" category, rather than high risk.

Being aware of the risk, both of us began to diet prior to the administration of the three hour test, just in case, and have chosen to continue on with the diet even though the test came back negative.  In talking about it, we've decided that it's best for both of us to begin with, and if we wish to impart good eating habits onto our son, it has to begin with us.

This is a huge step for both of us, considering how we've chosen to carry our diet in the past.  So far, so good.  Two weeks in, with no major slips or issues.

I wish that I had more to report in, but at this point, there just isn't much going on.  We're happily playing the waiting game, waiting for our son to get big, strong, healthy, and ready to deliver.

So, with that said, I leave you all until next time.

-J

The Admonition Paradox

Thank you for joining us once again.

Before we begin today's post, I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, or whatever religious holiday you may choose (or not) to celebrate.  I'd also like to thank those of you who read our story, and join us on our adventure to parenthood.

I know I keep promising more frequent updates, and I haven't delivered on that promise.  That said, I will no longer promise more frequent updates, just that I will update when I can.

Onto the topic of today:

The Admonition Paradox:

One thing that I've discovered (although, unsurprisingly), in our short journey thus far, is that no matter whether or not a person has children of their own, they'll never hesitate to give you unsolicited advice.

I like to consider myself a curious individual, and I gain tremendous joy out of obtaining any and all relevant information that I can on a subject.  However, some of the advice that Mrs. J and I have received to date is absolutely dumbfounding.

For instance, we were out shopping for some of our first gender specific baby clothing at the local Wal-Mart, and during checkout, I was ... enlightened, by our cashier, to all of the dangers in vaccinating children. I also recognize that although I fully support the large majority of the medical professionals' opinions that we should vaccinate our children, that the topic is somewhat of a "hot-button" topic.  I get it.

However, the cashier put it very matter-of-factly, that if we vaccinate our child, that they'll become autistic.  Not that there's a chance.  But that it will happen.  So, having done a bit of research (hardly enough to be an expert on the matter), I asked her what experience or evidence she was drawing such a statement on.  Her reply made my jaw drop, "Oh, well, I don't have kids of my own, but I watched this big long TV special on it a while back, and the evidence is pretty undeniable."

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I've a very sharp tongue, and am usually pretty venomous with it when I feel that the situation calls for it (or sometimes even when it doesn't).  But, being that we were in public, I bit my tongue, and just wished the woman a good night.

However, this set me to thinking.

Up until now, I've been very receiving when it comes to parenting advice.  Because, let's face it, this is our first child, and I'm in no position to deny it.  Although, there comes a point that even as an inexperienced parent-to-be, you learn to discern good advice from bad advice.

What bothers me the most about it all, is that if you question any advice, regardless of its merit, the person who gave it to you (whether asked or not to provide it), immediately goes on the defensive, and assumes you're being a jerk about it.  Perhaps there's a social convention that I'm unaware of, or some mannerism I've displayed to these people that triggers this response, but I look at it as simply asking for a deeper explanation.  Just because I question the way you tell me I "need to feed my child," or ask why, doesn't mean I'm discrediting your opinion.  It means that I want some additional information to support your statement.  I've never been one to blindly follow the words of others, and I pride myself on that.  I like to gather as much information as I can, and draw my own, somewhat educated opinion on the subject.  But, in spite of that, when it comes to parenting advice, it seems that asking "Why?" is akin to telling that person that their spouse is ugly.

This particular issue also has the potential to create a very serious awkwardness in your social relationships, as I've come to learn.  As I've mentioned before, some of our friends are expecting parents, and I've also noticed that even though they have no prior parenting skills, they've no shortage of worldly advice to offer.  For instance, an expectant mother that we are friends with made it no secret that she thought breastfeeding was disgusting, and a method of nutrition fit only for peasants.  Knowing that Mrs. J intends to breastfeed postpartum, this made for an awkward conversation.  This friend didn't go as far as to berate her decision, but wasn't quiet about her disgust for the activity, and that she "couldn't understand why anyone would do that to their child."  When I presented her with some widely supported benefits of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, I wasn't met with intellectual discussion, but a simple, "Well, you can't believe everything you read."

The point is fair, but how else are we to learn, if we aren't to read?  If everyone in the world raised their children simply off of wives' tales, and word of mouth, society would, I fear, be on the brink of extinction.

So, it seems that there's no shortage of advice to be had, but there is certainly a shortage of courtesy among some of the givers.  

I suppose that what I'm getting at is simply:

If you wish to offer advice, please know that it's appreciated.  However, don't get upset if someone asks "Why?" I know there's a great deal of people out there that will listen to every piece of advice they receive as if it's gospel, but there's just as many of us out there who seek to understand, rather than just go with it.

Thanks again for reading, and we'll be back soon (hopefully).

-J

Our very own Christmas Miracle

Good evening, once again, readers.

I first want to preface this post with this:  I'm a jerk.  I promised you all more frequent updates, and haven't delivered on that promise.  For that, I apologize.  Unfortunately, life has a way of distracting you from the things you'd like to do, in lieu of the things you need to do.  Work has been consuming my free time - retail's a mean one, especially this time of the year.

With that said, I hope that you all had a very, very happy Thanksgiving, and were able to spend it with your loved ones.

This evening, I'll be sharing with all of your the story of Mrs J. and I's very own Christmas miracle.

Today we had our monthly visit with Mrs. J's OB, and went in expecting just a very quick, very basic visit, as her practice only technically perform's 3 ultrasounds during the course of a normal pregnancy, unless it's medically necessary for more frequent scans.

As you may recall, our previous visit was unable to provide an audible heartbeat due to complications with the good doctor's equipment.  We were only able to see it via ultrasound, which was equally satisfactory to us.  This visit, however, was able to produce a very strong, very audible heartbeat with the baby Doppler.  It was by far one of the coolest things I've ever heard.  By the time the nurse shut the machine off, both Mrs. J and I were grinning from ear to ear.

The doctor came in to wrap up as usual, providing this month's lab slips, and to make sure we were question-free.  As we were getting ready to leave, she asked us the burning question, "So, are you two planning on taking a peek at the gender and finding out what you're having?"

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that finding out the gender of our child has been what I've looked forward to most.  The downside, with Christmas right around the corner, was that our appointment schedule didn't quite line up with Christmas and finding out the gender of our baby.  So, I was honest with the doctor, "Yes. We were originally hoping to find out before Christmas, so that we could plan, but the timing just doesn't match up."

The response we got from the doctor: "Hm."  And she disappeared for a few minutes.

Upon her return, she told us, "Go ahead and go down the hall and wait on the bench, I'm going to sneak you in to get an advanced peek at the sex of your baby.  Merry Christmas."

It goes without saying, Mrs. J and I were elated at the thought, and almost didn't believe it was going to happen.  But, we did as instructed, and went down the hall to visit the office ultrasound tech.  She called us in, and set straight to work.

The whole process took about 15 minutes, because our little Bean wasn't cooperating.  In fact, the kid even gave the tech the finger (yes, really).  So, I sat and watched as the technician jiggled away at Mrs. J's belly, in an effort to get the bugger to move to a peek-worthy position. Lot's of  "Hm's,' and "c'mon's" were heard throughout. Just before the session concluded, I'd almost given up on the notion that we'd be finding out the gender of our little one.  That is, until the technician proudly proclaimed, "Yep! That's definitely a penis."

So, ladies and gentlemen, we've officially joined Team Blue.  We're having a boy!

It may not seem like much of a miracle, but it takes someone very special to do what our doctor did for us today.  She didn't have to make special accommodations for us, but she did - without us asking, just because she could.

I've written doctors off for most of my adult life - I've never had a doctor who seemed to only care about me as a patient, and have always felt like a number to the doctors I've seen.  And even though she isn't my doctor, Dr. K has certainly restored some of my faith in the community of medical professionals.

Truth be told, the only thing I wanted for Christmas this year, was to find out the gender of our baby.  Not because it's that important, but because it's such a milestone.  To give him (or her, at the time) a name, and start to plan a little bit better.  Dr. K made that wish come true for both of us.  Our parents were equally eager to discover if they were having a grandson or a granddaughter, and so by extension, we were able to make their wish come true this evening, as well.

I certainly hope that you and your families have a Merry Christmas, and that you'll join us next time.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

-J